How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STI
Finding out you have contracted a sexually transmitted infection (STI) can bring up a mix of negative emotions like fear, shame, anger, anxiety, and confusion.
While many find the diagnosis a little easier to face if the STI is curable*, meaning effective treatment can clear the infection, those with incurable STIs** often struggle a little more to navigate their new normal and the conversations that are bound to follow, especially in the beginning.
If you’ve been diagnosed with either a curable or incurable STI, you may find it hard figuring out how to tell your current or future partner about it. You may be feeling overwhelmed, but you’re not alone. This is a common experience, and the good news is that it’s possible to have this conversation in a respectful, honest, and caring way.
That’s why we’ve put together the following guide for people of all genders and relationship types. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, casually dating, or navigating a new connection, the goal is the same: to protect everyone’s health while also preserving your dignity and trust.
*Curable STIs: Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis
**Incurable STIs: HSV (herpes simplex virus) 1 and 2, hepatitis B, HIV (human immunodeficiency virus), HPV (human papillomavirus)
Disclosing Your STI Status Matters. A Lot.
Informing your partner of your STI status is all about honesty, health, and care. A previous or current partner was likely unaware of their own infection. Or, it’s possible that they did know but did not disclose that information before passing it along to you—but it would have been nice to know beforehand, so that you could have made more informed decisions with that partner, right?
That’s why it’s important to let any sexual partners know about your STI status, ideally before intercourse. This conversation fosters open and honest communication, promotes better protection, and helps prevent further spread. It also gives your partner the space to share their status with you.
Disclosing your status allows you both to:
- Get tested and treated, if needed
- Prevent further transmission
- Make informed decisions about sex and protection
- Build trust through open communication
While this conversation may feel uncomfortable to start, it’s a crucial step toward sexual wellness for both of you.
Planning the Conversation: a Step-by-Step Guide
1. Evaluate Your Relationship
Before speaking with your partner, take some time to process your own feelings. Evaluate how you feel about them, about the idea of you two together, about your status, and anything else relevant to the situation. Maybe you don’t feel like you like them enough to open up to them. If that’s the case, and you have not had sex with them yet, they’re probably not worth your vulnerability or the sexual connection.
Performing an honest evaluation can really help you determine who’s worth this kind of conversation and who’s not.
Note: Anyone you are having sex with or have previously had sex with who could also be infected deserves this conversation, regardless of your current feelings about them.
2. Prepare Yourself Mentally
Once you decide to pursue a connection with someone, it’s normal to feel upset, scared, or nervous about having to share your status with them. Going into the conversation with some clarity can help it go more smoothly:
- Learn the facts about your STI, including how it’s transmitted, treatment options, and whether it’s curable or manageable.
- Plan what you want to say so you don’t feel rushed or flustered.
- Remind yourself that having an STI does not define your worth or character.
STIs are incredibly common. Millions of people in the U.S. get one every year, and most sexually active adults will have at least one in their lifetime.
3. Choose the Right Time and Place to Talk
Where and when you talk can make a big difference. Try to have this conversation:
- In a private, quiet space where you won’t be interrupted
- When neither of you is rushed, stressed, or distracted
- Before having sex, if possible
Avoid bringing it up during an argument or in the heat of the moment. Maintain a calm setting to help keep the conversation focused and respectful.
How to Have the Conversation
Keep Things Honest
It’s normal to worry about saying the “wrong” thing, but there’s no perfect script when it comes to disclosing an STI. What matters most is that you are honest.
If you need ideas to get the conversation started, you might consider something like:
- “I care about you and want to be honest about my health.”
- “I recently got tested and found out I have an STI. I wanted you to hear it from me.”
- “This is hard to talk about, but I think it’s important for both of us.”
Share the Facts Clearly
Once you’ve opened the conversation, explain what you know:
- What STI you have
- How it’s typically transmitted
- What treatment or management looks like
- What steps you’re taking to protect your partner’s health
If you don’t know all the answers, that’s okay. You can say so and suggest getting tested or talking to a healthcare provider together.
Be Ready for Different Reactions
Your partner could respond in various ways. They may be supportive, surprised, quiet, emotional, or even upset. Try to remember that their initial reaction may stem from fear or a lack of information, rather than a desire to hurt you.
When it comes to navigating their reaction:
- Give them time to process
- Listen without interrupting
- Stay calm, even if the conversation feels uncomfortable
- Set boundaries if the conversation becomes disrespectful
What to Do if You’re Afraid to Tell Them
In some situations, the fear of disclosing is very real, especially if you’re worried about falling victim to emotional or physical harm, control, or violence. Remember that your safety matters, always.
If telling your partner feels unsafe:
- Reach out to a trusted friend or counselor first
- Consider talking with a healthcare provider about your options
- Use anonymous partner notification tools available through some health departments
You deserve care, respect, and safety in every relationship. If you are in an unsafe partnership that you are not able to leave easily, help is available. We encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at 800-799-7233, text BEGIN to them at 88788, or chat online with a NDVH rep through their website.
After the Conversation
Once you’ve shared your STI status:
- Encourage your partner to get tested
- Talk about next steps for treatment or protection
- Discuss safer sex options like condoms or other preventative methods
- Be kind to yourself—you did something brave <3
The goal of this conversation is to strengthen your relationship by building trust and communication.
Women’s Clinic of Atlanta Is Here to Support You
If you need help figuring out how to tell your partner you have an STI, remember this:
- Honesty is an act of care for them and for yourself.
- You’re not alone, and support is always available.
If you’re looking for compassionate, confidential care or guidance, Women’s Clinic of Atlanta provides sexual wellness services, including STI testing, treatment, education, and counseling. It’s our goal to always provide our patients with the things they all deserve: compassionate, respectful, and judgment-free women’s healthcare.
Chat With Women’s Clinic of Atlanta Today for STI Services.
Our compassionate team understands the stress of receiving an STI diagnosis and the difficulty that can come from having to tell others about it. From STI testing and treatments to education and counseling, we’re here to help you navigate your status and any new relationships in safe, healthy ways.
Let us provide the care you need to protect yourself and your current or future partner.
Send us a chat to talk today.
Women’s Clinic of Atlanta is HIPAA compliant and AAAHC accredited.
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